Fear of the Scale

My second post in a day! I'm impressing myself.

A few months ago, my friend and I made a pact. We decided we would start to go on a strict diet, with the ultimate goal of losing 20 ponds (him) and 12 pounds (me). Off we went on our race, and months later, he is well on his way on achieving his desired weight, and I've achieved squat. Nothing. Zip. Nada. Ok well to be fair, I did lose 2 pounds, but obviously, I'm far behind because he managed to lose 10. Oh, and did I mention I gained the 2 pounds back?

We started out with the same goal and the same desire. We had the same drive that drove us to make the decision to do something about our weight, but between then and now, what changed? How did he end up doing better than me?

The answer is will-power. He has a massive dose of will-power and I have absolutely none.

I don't even know why I try.

I had a personal trainer and that lasted for what, three months? Then I started this fitness regime at a nearby gym. That also lasted for (at best) two months. I swore off carbs for dinner, only to find myself starving in the middle of the night and then going right back to complex carbs a mere four days after. I even force myself to try on my pre-pregnancy jeans (from 2003!) every now and then to motivate me, but it's still not getting me anywhere.

The ultimate question is this: do I even care anymore about my weight? If it is such a big deal, then why aren't I motivated enough to do something about it? And another thing. Should it even be an issue? All these articles I read keep telling me to love myself whatever shape and size I am. So why should I be bothered? It's not like I'm an elephant-sized person anyway...

Are these real questions or am I just trying to weasel myself out of this whole mess, completely denying the fact that I can't commit to losing weight for more than three months at a time? :)

Questions, questions. Who really knows the answers?

Oh Paris...

Another bad experience in Paris happened! Well, not to me personally, but I was there as a witness, and man, it sucked... This sounds bad no matter how I say it, but I do thank God that it wasn't me again. To have had it happen twice to me just seems a bit cruel, doesn't it?

Anyway, my friend and I were walking out of the Chanel Boutique on rue Cambon. Before you start imagining us with a dozen shopping bags and wasting all our money on Chanel stuff, we actually just had one bag each, and the items inside were small. I just bought like a pair of sunglasses, and my friend only rubber sandals. So, no, we didn't shop like crazy.

So as we walked out, a small group of 3 Italian girls (or so they say) asked us to help them find where rue Cambon was on their map because they were heading to Opera and said they didn't know where they were. Honestly, these three girls just looked like lost backpackers, so unsuspectingly, my friend helped them point out to the street name on the map to the two girls, while the third girl was talking to me and I just pointed to the direction. After all it was super easy, they just needed to walk straight up rue Cambon on to Boulevard des Capucines and turn left at rue Scribe.

A nice gesture on our part - really. But this nice gesture was then repaid by the fact that after we parted ways and turned to rue Duphot where the office entrance was (we left the office for like half an hour to go buy the stuff!), my friend noticed that her hundred euro bills went missing from her wallet! I swear to you, they were in her wallet when we left the Chanel Boutique, and they were gone ten minutes later!

The crazy thing was, the wallet was not taken, so it was purely only the cash. Someone we told this story to even said it wasn't a pick pocket, it was a magician! And to top it all off, when my friend went to the police station at Place du Marche (I think), they were very unhelpful, and even accused her of lying! I couldn't believe it! I mean, their city is full of crime left and right, the very least the police could do was be nice to tourists!!!! (I hope some of you out there reading this actually know some policemen/women in Paris so you could tell them to be niceer!)

At least when it happened to me, the guys at the police station were really nice about it and were really concerned about me. They kept asking if I was OK and if I needed anything, and they called the embassy for me... They were just really nice. After thinking about it however, it could be because they were suburban, not in the city centre. Maybe things are just a lot harsher in the city...

So anyway, long story short, please, please keep safe when traveling to Paris! And for Parisians that are reading, c'mon, do something about this. You get like (according to Wiki) nearly 15 billion visitors a year, and your economy could greatly benefit from them... Make us all feel welcomed so we don't think twice about coming back..!

Ok, that's my rant for the day.
On a happier note, I am leaving Paris today to go home and see my kids and husband. Miss them so much, and I can't wait to hug them! :)

Money

So, whoever said money is the source of all evil may just be right... And for some, the combination of love and money is just deadly.

I was recently shocked to my core when I found out this sweet, innocent young girl was stealing money from her company, which led her to being held in a jail cell for four days - and all because of what? Because her (stupid) boyfriend needed the money. So for the sake of "love" - or whatever it was they had between them, because I don't think real love would allow you to use and manipulate people - she stole from the company she worked for. When the company found out, of course the first thing they did was interogate her, then escort her down to the police station. She tried to play stupid in the beginning and say things like "I didn't know it was wrong", but at the end, she fessed up.

I couldn't get it out of my head. Why was this smart, sweet girl so easily convinced by her boyfriend to steal? She committed a crime, and didn't even get a single cent for herself! And why, oh why, did this jerk of a guy - who said he loved her by the way - even need money that badly, that he was willing to "sacrifice" his girlfriend? It wasn't a life or death situation at all.

There are somethings in this world that we can't really explain... even if they do come up with answers of why they did it, I don't think people would even get it. It might have made sense to them at the time, but it will never make sense to anyone else... Well, I don't think anyway.

On a recent twitter post, I said "It's insane how much a girl can be influenced by her boyfriend to do stupid things... :( C'mon girls, be smart!!" which got a heck of a lot of responses. So I guess it's not uncommon for girls to be influenced and used, and I don't know what their reasons are, but I'm pretty sure a lot of it has to do with money.

Yeah sure, I can't deny we all need money. We all need to buy food, clothes, to have roof over our heads and to once in awhile buy the things we want, not just the things we need. But we should only do it when we actually have the money. We can splurge when we can afford it; we definitely deserve to once in awhile. But when you don't have it, seriously, don't force yourself. Don't go do drastic things and commit crimes here and there just to get more money - it ain't worth it!

T.R.U.S.T

It's been nearly two weeks since I heard this news about someone at the office, and when I remember what I heard, I still shake my head in disbelief. Not that this hasn't happened before, just that it happened again and right under my nose.

I'm not going to go into the details of what actually happened - because that would just be cruel just in case she (OR he!) reads this. But what I am going to say is that I couldn't be more disappointed. You would think that after a person spends so much time and effort gaining trust from the people around her/him, they would at least try as much as possible or do whatever it took to keep that trust. Or is that just me?

I'd like to think that the human race in general sees trust as a treasure. To be able to gain trust from people, like your boss or your friend, is something not to be taken lightly. Someone wise once said the journey of friendship and love begins and ends with trust. You can only move forward with that relationship when trust has been established and once it's broken, the relationship stops -- or is at least damaged.

A single act of betrayal, no matter how small the person thinks it may be, can very well tarnish everything, and ruin the relationship for good. Take the person I was talking about earlier - let's call her Liz. She spent years fitting in and trying to get people around her (including me) to trust her and rely on her for help. Then, out of the blue, she does this one thing, and now no one believes her anymore. Regardless of the fact that we can all decide to just forgive her the way we were all taught to do in Sunday School, but as human beings, we will all now think twice before entrusting her with anything again.

What I keep wondering is: was it worth it? Whatever the reason was that led Liz to do what she did - was it worth losing all her friends and ruining the relationships she had worked so hard on building?

I think this should be the ultimate question anyone asks just before they do that one thing that could ruin it all. Seriously, is it really worth it?

Post Holiday Overload

Fifteen days in Japan, two days in Hong Kong. Total holiday days taken: 17.
You would think that after such a long holiday like that, I would come back all refreshed, happy, and relaxed, ready to tackle anything that comes my way with my fight face on and my punch ready to smack all the crap and nonsense away.

And that was exactly what happened. For like the first half hour of being back in the office.

Now look, I don't want to sound ungrateful for the holiday I had. In fact, I thank God that I finally had the opportunity (after 2 years of not taking any leave!!) to take a break from everything and just spend quality time with my kids enjoying life and enjoying the scenery. The holiday was awesome!

The only problem was getting back into the routine POST holiday.

Picture this: I came back to work with a pile of papers to sign, over 2000 emails to read (even though I already read some during the holiday on my blackberry --Onyx can be used in Japan --), and a line up of people outside my door ready to tell me all the problems they encountered while I was away and to get me up to speed with what had been going on and what was coming up next. Then, I check my schedule on my desk, and see one of the longest lists of meetings in the history of my 10 years with the company. Yikes!

It's now been around 2 weeks since coming back (which explains why I have been MIA on this blogging thing too), and I am STILL not back into my zone yet! In fact, if anything, I feel even more overwhelmed than before taking the holiday! By day 2 of being back at work, I wished I could just pack up and leave on another vacation.

Oh well. I guess that's how life is. You want a vay-cay, you get one, you come back, you complain and you want another one. You want a job, you get one, then you complain about it. It's like nothing is ever enough and you keep on wanting more. But like I posted on an earlier tweet this week: Everyday is a choice. You either be grateful for what you have and be happy, or look at others that have (or get) more and be miserable. It's totally your call.

I am overwhelmed - yes indeed. I am more exhausted now than before going on the break - oh yes certainly. But you know what, I've decided I'm OK with it... because it actually means I have a job, and I am simply a bit busier because I went on a kick-ass holiday for a long time, and I just need a bit of time to catch up... :) I swear, just writing this, I'm a lot happier already!

What's your choice for today? :)

Oh - and just to show you a glimpse of the awesome, kick-ass Japan trip, I've given you a little pic of me and the blooming cherry blossoms! We were so lucky to be there when they were blossoming, because they only last about 2 weeks in the year, and you can never really pinpoint when they start to bloom. So cool!

Till next time!

Report Card Day!

So... Today was report card day for my 2 kids, and I went to their school this morning, not really knowing what to expect. Well, OK, to be completely honest, I did expect a few things. I expected Matthew's teacher to say that Matthew was a good kid, still struggling with the speech part (and thus also the reading part), but overall has improved a bit since last term. I also expected Mikaela's teachers to tell me she was talkative, curious, a little bit bossy (because she totally takes after me!) but definitely a good kid. And I was right, that was pretty much what they said to me today.

But here's what I didn't expect: Kae's teacher said that Kaela, summed up in one word was pretty much AMAZING. Her knowledge, skills and behavior is well above the average 2 year old, and she even volunteers to be a helper all the time in class. One of the two teachers even said that it was just like having another teaching assistant in class because she would help teach the other kids how the songs go, how to do activities, etc. She would even console her friends who cried in class, like "Aww.. don't cry, it'll be OK..."

Also, Matthew's teacher said that he has vastly improved in his speech, he is talking so much more than before and that he was very happy to see the improvement. He said Matthew was one of the smartest in Math, and considering I was awful at Math when I was in school, I pretty much jumped up and down in my joy.

Am I proud? Heck, yes! I've never been so proud in my life!

I can't take credit for much, I'm sure, because I spend a lot of my time at work and traveling and effectively, I am sort of a weekend parent type thing (unfortunately) because I only see them on weekdays in the morning and at night, which is basically a few hours (OK, now the guilt is setting in). But, wow, I'm definitely a proud parent. I'd like to think that at least the quality time I do spend with them is worth something, and maybe they do learn a thing or two from me.

And get this - Kaela can sing the whole "it's my life/confessions" mash-up from Glee too! Yeah, she is pretty amazing.

Just recently, some good friends of mine were tweeting about lost time with the kids because of traveling, and of course, this really struck some chords with me. I'd love to be able to say one day that my kids turn out so well because my husband and I have superb parenting skills - ha. But for now, I'll have to settle with trusting the big guy up there to take care of them while I have to work. I think if I manage my time well and make sure the time I do spend them is used wisely, it all works out in the end...

Can I Tell You....?

Have you ever noticed how you sometimes always use the same terms for something? Or have a habit of using the particular words all the time? Like for example, I attended a seminar a few years ago and the speaker kept saying "As such..." at the beginning and at the end of every sentence. My colleagues and I didn't end up listening to the actual contents of the seminar, but were busy counting how many times he used "As such" in his session. At the end of the day, we counted 67 times! Crazy!

Or - another perfect example would be Paris Hilton's infamous "That's hot" statement. She used it all the time, and whenever someone else would say it, people would go "That is so Paris" -- I think. Or maybe that was just me and my firends?

Anyway, I have recently become aware that I have a tendency to always ask "Can I tell you...?" before revealing some sort of information. How did I find this out? Because over lunch, my friends and I were teasing each other about it. My friend blurted out the "Can I tell you...?" bit just before I did, when I was about to say something. Everyone laughed and it was harmless, but it got me thinking and wondering whether I really did say that alot. Long story short, I asked a few people, and I checked this blog too... and can I tell you? It's true! (See!)

I find it pretty interesting that out of all the words that exist in the world, there are certain words that just stick with us all the time. Out of everything the English dictionary has to offer us, we chose these words most because somehow they just identify with us, or rather we identify with them. I could easily just tell people the information straight off, without using "Can I tell you...?" first, but I never do, and I have no idea why.

A friend of mine always says "From time to time" as a preference over "Occassionally" and another always says "Yeah, right" instead of "Yes, that's true"... and I am now wondering whether the words we use describe who we are somehow.

What are the words you use?