Tuesday, May 8, 2012

Birthday Blues

In the weeks leading to my miracle boy's 8th birthday, I am feeling more and more like a terrible mother. Not only am I so insanely busy with work this month, but I'm also going to be traveling to another one of my Paris trips. And this time, I'll be traveling ON his birthday. The guilt is eating me alive, yet with the building of our house and everything, putting my foot down and telling the boss I can't travel is not exactly an option either. There is just no way I'd be able to skip this trip. I'm already skipping a June trip because it clashes with Michael's travel schedule; I can't even imagine telling my boss I have to pass on this one too. Matthew, bless his heart, was very understanding when I broke the news to him. He simply said that he still wanted to bring a cake to school, and made me promise that he and his friends could still play laser tag when I'm back to celebrate his birthday. He was so sweet about it, I couldn't help but bawl my eyes out. How did I get this lucky? Still, no matter how understanding he was (is) about this whole trip, I can't shake that rotten feeling of guilt and shame that he'll be celebrating the day of his miraculous birth with me being on the other end side of the world. I just hope he doesn't hate me when he's older and realize I suck at doing the mom thing.

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