Thursday, February 18, 2010

Assuming the worst...

Before I start my ranting for the day, let me just give a huge shout out to my brother Lance who is celebrating his 27th birthday today. Wishing him success, health and wealth...!

Today's topic is about assuming the worst, about being negative.

Here's what triggered this topic: a friend of mine recently told another friend that she was too fat for her height, and "humbly" suggested that the friend go on a diet and try to loose 20-25 pounds, otherwise no guy would want her. I've spoken about weight before, and this has nothing to do with the actual weight problem. The issue is more to the fact that my friends and I who were sitting at the same table listening in on the conversation were confused. Did my friend (let's call her Kate)actually say that because she was genuinely concerned about my other friend's (let's call her Ann) weight and guy problems or was she just trying to be mean? Can't deny the fact that Kate can be a b***h when she needs to (pardon the language!). My friends and I looked at each other around the table, then one by one started criticizing Kate for her weight comment, and she got upset because she said she was just really concerned that Ann was a bit on the heavy side.

Honestly, I look back at that conversation and how we reacted as friends, and I am embarrased. Why did I think the worst of Kate? Why did I immediately assume that Kate was just being mean or hurtful, instead of thinking she was genuinely concerned that Ann was a bit too heavy for her own good (and by this I mean for health reasons). For the record, I personally don't think Ann needs to lose 25 pounds! But that's not the point, the point is why was it easier to assume Kate was just being cruel instead of being genuine?

As human beings, it's often so much easier to just assume the worst about everything: about people, about situations, about just about anything. Like when your boss suddenly calls your extension and asks you to go up and see him, and the entire way there, you are thinking "Oh my God, he's going to fire me." Or when you try and call your boyfriend ten times and he doesn't answer, and you automatically think he's dodging your calls because he's bored with you. Another one that is most familiar to me is when I walk into a room and people stop talking, and I automatically think they were talking about me. They probably were, but again, that's not the point.

So why is it so difficult to think of the best instead of the worst? Why is being positive so challenging, and negativity seems to just be woven in our brain cells?

I'd like to think that I am a person who can objectively see things from different perspectives, thus leave no room for negativity. But evidently, I'm not, even though I try really hard to be. Being positive is supposed to make life so much easier, but it's so difficult to even try to be positive. What's that all about?


  1. When friends are sincerely concerned about us, they find a way to deliver the message in the most unhurtful way. Kate's public admonition was a little unkind. I only wonder how receptive Ann was to the public communique and if she perceived it as truly in her best interest.

    Personally, I might have sat on Kate's lap and thanked her profusely for being so concerned about the extra 20 pounds my fat @ss carries so well.


  2. Let's just say Ann didn't welcome the comment so well :) She cried privately in the bathroom and didn't say another word throughout the rest of the meal.